There are 3 main, sub-surface fears that effect our lives.
They occur at different stages.
Some serve us, some don’t.
Fear of abandonment. Without a parent or guardian, a child most likely cannot survive. They are not able to feed themselves and survive in the world.
Fear of loss of authority. What they once used to be able to do, they no longer can. Fear of authority is the fear of loosing control. Their mind is still sharp, but their body no longer functions like it used to. If they slip in the shower, they can get hurt.
Teenagers & Adults
In between the ends of the spectrum is fear of approval. Approval has many nicknames: fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection, and fear of what other people think.
As a toddler, if you are abandoned, you can die. As an elderly person, if you have a serious fall, you can die.
As a teenager or an adult, if someone thinks your ideas are stupid, you won’t die. If the cute guy/girl in the coffee shop turns you down, you still live.
Approval is Obsolete
Evolutionary psychology tells us that our brains have not evolved fast enough. We are still wired as if we live in small tribes.
I guess at some point fear of approval was a legitimate one. Maybe you could die.
Nowadays, in order to press forward in your life, and make things happen, you need to adapt. You need to realize that fear of approval is bullshit. I don’t think we have wrapped our head around the fact that we live on a planet with 7 billion people. We don’t live in small tribes anymore.
Seekers vs. Doers
Those who seek approval and validation from others are setting themselves up for failure.
Doers are those who move forward in life and go after what they want, regardless of what others think of them.
What’s stopping you?
You won’t die if people don’t approve of you.
Sure, what others think and say about you can cause an emotional reaction. Start small and build your mental toughness. Wear your shirt backwards tomorrow. Don’t explain it to anyone. If someone questions, just reply, “Why are you wearing your shirt forwards?”
Don’t give a shit what people think.
Doing this will get you used to blocking out external chatter.
Keep pushing yourself to break social norms.
People who change the world go against the grain.
You can choose to follow along like the rest of the heard – or you can live life on your own terms.
What’s stopping you?